Have you forgotten what it means to be Norwegian? Or perhaps you’re not, but would like to be. Don’t worry, our friends at ScandiKitchen (café and shop in London; suppliers by mail order and wholesalers to the Norwegian Church café in Cardiff) have got you covered! Here are their top tips, reproduced here with their kind permission:
Own ALL the flags
You must own multiples. Cupboards full. Buy more every season and remember to stick little flags in your food, too. You can never have enough Norwegian flags.
Don’t mind the Swedes
Swedes will never be better than Norway at anything. Ever. At least, never admit it. Especially not better at skiing (and if they are, then it’s likely a smørekrise (ski prep issue, literally: lubrication crisis).
Take a hike
Go for a hike (ut på tur, literally out on tour) every weekend, ideally somewhere hilly. Going for walks without a fixed purpose is key. Also, only smilers allowed: you must never be angry on a hike.
Keep your social distance
Avoid looking directly at your fellow citizens in all urban areas, including pavements, public transport and queues. But remember to say ‘hei hei’ (hello) to everyone when hiking.
Dress for the weather
Own at least one allværsjakke (all-weather jacket). A plus point if it’s brightly coloured, so that you can be seen from the moon. Add a practical rucksack, ideally containing one orange.
Find sanctuary
Every weekend and holiday, go to a hytte (cabin). Any cabin. The more remote/primitive the better. A garden shed can be a replacement if you’re doing this in London. It’s called hyttetur (cabin tour).
Friday=Taco time
On Fridays, you eat Tacos. No need to question this: You’re Norwegian now, and real Norwegians eat Tacos (on Fridays, remember).
Sausages, always
There’s a pølse (sausage) for all occasions. On the train? Pølse time. Airport? Pølse. Football? Have a pølse. Celebrating the Constitution? Pølse.
Pack your lunch
Always take a wrapped matpakke (packed lunch) wherever you go. Work, hike, school: Layered between mellomleggspapir (middle-layer-paper), bread with cheese and sweaty cucumber is gold.
Eat brown cheese
The food of the gods, the cheese of the people. Made from goat’s milk, looks like brown plasticine and tastes of caramel. You put it on waffles. What’s not to love?
Waffles, weekly
Eat warm waffles with brown goat’s cheese at least once a week. When you get sick of waffles, pølse. Wrap it in a waffle, even.
Get sweatered
Wear cool jumpers with great conviction. Perfect for occasions such as being in temperatures of -20, Eurovision, fishing and crossing the border to Sweden for alcohol. Caution: Itchy.
Adopt The Bunad
It’s Extra-Norwegian to own a bunad (national dress). Made from wool (itchy), it’s heavy and costs the same as a small car. Will keep you warm should it snow on 17th May.
Do you have any other suggestions? Let us know in the comments!
Welsh Norwegian Society 